Are You Hot For You?

I always play women I would date. ~Angelina Jolie

I once fell so hard for a guy that it completely rendered me unrecognizable. Whatever this guy saw in me in the first place was replaced by a painful neediness and clinginess in the end. My fierce independence gave way to desperate dependence, my sense of adventure and risk-taking yielded to a hollow craving for security and soul-sucking guarantees. I made one person responsible for my happiness and it wasn’t me.  Consequently, I was eating this guy alive.  It wasn’t long before boyfriend ran for the hills. Good for him.  I’d do the same and so would anyone who had a sense of self-preservation.  That’s the point.  In no way would I put up with someone who needed me so much that I felt trapped by their bottomless hunger for love and approval. I mean, ew.  This wasn’t a romantic relationship issue, this was a relationship with me issue.  The question I should have stopped to ask myself was do I want to date me?

This question forces me to examine my preferences about the company I like to keep and I can tell you that I would not have chosen to keep the company of the woman dating the guy above.  At the time I fell for this guy, I didn’t like myself very much and deep down I was really hoping he’d figure out a way to like me enough for the both of us.  That is a tall order: expecting someone to want to date me when I didn’t want to date myself. Expecting someone to like me when I didn’t even like myself.

Being someone I want to date is a process and requires maintenance.  It starts off with unconditional acceptance and love for myself. To cultivate this I do things that I love and that feel good to me. From there I take responsibility for my own emotional state (see my previous post) and then I show up as my authentic self without apology. I no longer water myself down for anyone.  It turns out that I’m incredibly attracted to independent, risk-taking, bold, adventurous individuals who are crazy about themselves. I’m successful at being a person I want to date about 80% of the time now. I’m also learning how to be easy with myself during the other 20% of the time.  I find that by being a person I want to date, I also end up attracting other people who find my authentic-self appealing and choose to hang around me.  With these people I can connect, share and enjoy their company without needing to take approval and love away from them.  That is such a relief for all of us involved.   I still get disappointed when people don’t act or treat me exactly the way I want them to (my kids are amazing teachers here . . .), but I’m discovering that they are only showing me where I need to step up my game when it comes to satisfying my own needs and expectations.  I’m a work in progress, for sure, and that’s cool.  In fact, I love that about me.

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner.  Perfect. This presents an excellent opportunity to check in with your expectations about relationships, especially with yourself.  If you find your romantic life is disappointing, ask yourself would I date me?   Don’t wait for someone to sweep you off your feet, sweep yourself off your feet and then simply be open to others who want to be around your fabulous, filled-up self.  Now that’s hot.

Choose Your Feelings, Let Others Choose Theirs

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

I used to believe that I was responsible for the feelings of others.  This belief led me to make a lot of choices I would end up regretting. I once let a woman I worked with borrow my most favorite sundress for a weekend, even though I knew she was irresponsible with other people’s things.  It was one of those moments where I knew I was going against my better judgment, but I allowed her to borrow it anyway because I wanted her to think I trusted her–I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.  I let a few weeks pass before I asked about my dress (again, I didn’t want to seem too anxious and risk making her feel bad).  She told me someone had stolen it from the locker room at her gym. Looking back, I can see that I had neglected to consider the only person whose feelings I could totally control: me.

Today this situation would have gone down much differently, I would have considered my own feelings first and let my co-worker down gently and without reservation.  I might still have that sundress today, too.  It was super cute.  In the time since the sundress debacle, I have discovered that the people I have tried the hardest to please, ended up being the people who either didn’t notice my efforts or never seemed satisfied by them—and my efforts to please always cost me my own happiness. It was a lose-lose situation. I now know that if I attempt to please myself first, at least one person comes away happy.

I also learned why I believed I could control the feelings of others: I believed that other people had the power to control my feelings.  If that really hot guy called then I felt wanted, if a friend complimented me on my appearance, I felt validated and if someone cancelled plans with me at the last minute I felt crushed. I realize now that I am fully responsible for my own feelings and that means I get to decide how to interpret the actions and words of others and how I react to them.  While a compliment is always nice to hear, it can only be fully appreciated if I believed it before it came out of the other person’s mouth. I have to compliment myself first.  The same goes for a cutting remark, if I harbor any mean thoughts toward myself, I am likely to take a critical comment personally and turn it into a judgment against me—what I already think about myself is what I’ll see mirrored back to me in the other person’s remarks. My work is to clean up the unkind thoughts about myself so that the compliments resonate and the non-constructive criticisms do not.

When I started looking out for my own feelings, I stopped looking to others to make me feel good about myself—I let everyone off the hook.  I happen to know not everyone is pleased with the my-feelings-first approach, but those who aren’t also happen to be the very same people who weren’t pleased when I tried so hard to make them feel happy in the past.  Go figure.  The good news is that they are free to choose their own thoughts about what it means when I put my feelings first, that’s their responsibility and I am so okay with that. I get to enjoy authentic connections with people because I’m not trying to manipulate anyone’s feelings, the pressure is off. By honoring my feelings first I’m encouraging others to honor their feelings first, too—whether they do or do not is completely up to them.

Avatar: Let This Hero’s Journey Inspire Yours

UP ANGLE TRACKING among the trees, the sunlight shafting down like light in a 
cathedral.

JAKE (V.O.)

It’s hard to put in words the deep
 connection the People have to the forest.

HIGH IN THE BRANCHES of a tree, Jake watches as Neytiri gently bends a large 
pitcher-like flower toward her,sipping nectar which is sweet and thick as honey.  
An incredibly sensuous image.

JAKE (V.O.)

They see a network of energy that flows

through all living things. They know that

all energy is only borrowed--

MACRO SHOT of a purple flower, beaded with raindrops.  A blue hand picks the flower.

JAKE (V.O.)

-- and one day you have to give it back.

LOOKING DOWN into a hole dug among tree roots.  The body of an old Omaticaya WOMAN 
lies curled there like an unborn baby in the womb of the earth.The purple flower is

gently placed on her body, joining flowers, totems and beads.

(From Avatar written by James Cameron)

This is the scene from the movie Avatar that brought some serious tears to my eyes.  Happy tears. I welled-up because I recognized the profound truth that we are, in fact, all connected and that we are also here for a limited time to do what we are called to do—whatever that is for us individually.  Though we are motivated by selfish reasons (it feels amazing to do what we’re meant to do), ultimately, this motivation helps us to serve others and something greater than ourselves.

There are so many reasons why I love this movie and why this will be the first fairy tale I will enthusiastically share with my children.  Topping the list of the reasons of why I love it, however, is the well fleshed-out hero’s journey in this story.  The story that we’re all obligated to play out in some way, shape or form in our own lives. The challenges we face, fail, re-attempt–maybe many times–until we ultimately succeed.    The risk of leaving who we think we are so we can become who we truly are is exciting, scary and totally disorienting. So, in the movie, when Jake Sculley said I can barely remember my old life, I’m not sure who I am anymore, I knew something big and incredibly exciting was about to take place.  This is how I knew Jake was about to transform from an organism that was basically just taking up oxygen, to someone who is about accomplish something that no one else can do but him.  This takes all kinds of courage: mental, physical and spiritual.

Like Jake, we are also called to go through a similar transformation. Though our modern day cultures and societies are losing traditional rites of passage, we all must mature and show up for our callings, move forward and deliver what only we can.  One thing is for sure: we still experience our own sets of challenges, failures and successes that ready us to take possession of our greatness. Each of us has internal orders to follow and all we have to do is summon the courage from within us to follow them.  Some of us will never choose to answer the call to deliver our unique gifts and talents, but for those of us who do, the reward is a full life well-lived.

This week I saw many examples of what happens when people follow their inner orders and take on the hero’s journey. I learned through one of my Facebook friends, that her ER doctor friend from the US flew out to Haiti to see how he can best serve the survivors of the earthquake.  I saw Avatar, an epic movie with unique, stunning visuals that James Cameron had the vision, patience and determination to create.  I also talked with several people this week who had the courage to listen to and follow their own inner voices even when it clashed so hard with the expectations of loved ones and/or society. Today we’ll celebrate and honor the life of Martin Luther King, a man who dared to follow his inner voice to challenge and defy what was normal for his time—his work lives on.  I love all of these people so much for deciding to step out of anything resembling a comfort zone and dare to be extraordinary–to be who they truly are.

Where are you on your hero’s journey?  Your energy is borrowed, you’ll have to give it back one day–is it time to step-up your game? Listen to your inner guidance system, it’s telling you the answer.

Architects of Cool Things

Almost everything: all the external expectations, all the pride, all the fear of embarrassment or failure—these things just fall away in the face of death . . .remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose—you are already naked, there is no reason not to follow your heart. ~Steve Jobs

Recently, I went to the mall and bought some stuff. From the Apple store, I bought an iphone—I’m nearly moved to tears by what this gorgeous piece of technology can do (a friend of mine uses hers to control her Tivo). I also popped into the Juicy Couture boutique and picked up a black knit cardigan adorned with a shock of removable faux fur around the collar. Fabulous. While I was there, I couldn’t resist browsing their very comfy and stylish signature tracksuits, too. I even love the too cute pink bag with chocolate brown satin ribbon embellishment that held my Juicy purchase.

I am thrilled with my purchases, no doubt, but what thrills me even more about the stuff is the creative forces behind the actual products: the people with the big ideas who decided to create something different, something new, something that adds value to the lives of many.  I’m obscenely curious about big thinkers and inspired by their boldness. Who gave Steve Jobs the permission to drop out of college so he could change the way we pretty much do anything productive (and things not so productive, too, but super fun!)?  What possessed Gela Nash-Taylor and Pamela Skaist-Levy to design velour track suits after 1977 and then charge a premium for them?   My guess is that all three individuals met with more external detractors than supporters of their unconventional ideas and visions, but I bet they all paid very focused attention to their inner wisdom and, at least in large part, ignored the naysayers and party-poopers.

When we stop doing what’s merely expected of us and we start listening to our authentic selves, cool things get created and done. We all have a voice within us that may have been subjected to assault, subjugation, neglect or other abuses as we negotiated family, primary education, peers, media, significant others and stifling and/or painfully ordinary work environments.  We may have even conformed, dimmed our light a little–or a lot—in a pathetic attempt to hide in the shadows of those who are threatened or uncomfortable with our undeniable and shiny brilliance.  This is no way to live. And if this sounds even a little familiar to you, the good news is that no matter how much you have ignored your inner voice, it’s still there. It may take a little practice for you to hear it again and some courage to actually honor it, but, ultimately, that’s who you are: your inner voice and your courage to shine crazy bright.

I know there are so many more ideas, cures, inventions, discoveries and creations waiting to be born.  If you know you are not living up to your highest potential and if you’ve ever thought I can do that better/faster/stronger/cooler but took no steps to get it done, then I have a very important question for you: Who are you to stand in the way of relief, progress and greatness?

You have an obligation to show up and deliver what only you can do in the way only you can do it.  Aside from the end result of creating cool things and deeds, answering your unique calling allows you to experience the mind-blowing thrill of satisfying your deepest desire to express the best you have to offer.

You gotta love that.

Get What You Want In 2010

Planning is bringing the future into the present so that you can do something about it now ~Alan Lakein

Coming in to 2010 I have a full roster of projects and goals I want to accomplish in the new year–dreaming and scheming up ideas has never been an issue for me, but I have a long history of feeling overwhelmed by all the action that needs to take place to get it done.  When I was in grade school, for example, after watching Grease for the gazillionth time,  I had the totally brilliant idea that my friends and I should form our own chapter of The Pink Ladies: I sold them on the pink jackets we would wear (they would even have our names written across the front–in cursive!), I explained how we’d strut around the school acting tough and rebellious like Rizzo did, but I did suggest we forego taking up smoking because we would for sure get in trouble with the teachers and our parents if they found out.   We all got giggly and excited about our new club—we even made temporary name tags for ourselves (in case we had difficulty identifying one another in my room that day)—and after we finished our celebratory dancing and singing to the Grease soundtrack, one of my friends asked, who is gonna make the jackets?  other questions followed, will we have meetings? What sort of things will we do besides wear jackets and not smoke? Can we invite other girls to join? Which one of us is more like Sandy? Then there was a heated discussion about whether we should have a secret greeting that only our members knew—some thought it was cool while others thought it was beyond dorky. At some point we all got hungry and raided my kitchen pantry. We never formed the Miller Elementary School chapter of The Pink Ladies, there were lots of reasons, but two biggies were that my idea lacked focus and a plan of action. Well, I’ve come a long way, baby. No, I won’t be starting a new chapter of The Pink Ladies, but I am taking a far more organized approach to getting what I do want these days.

For my 2010 goals, I took the idea of picking the feeling I want to feel and a theme song to get inspired and stay focused on what it is I want to accomplish as Susan Hyatt recommends, I broke down my plan into tasks and created a schedule by following a simple, but effective time management system suggested by Robert Middleton.  And to pull it all together and really make it happen I am following my most favorite advice for preventing overwhelm: taking it one step at a time.  I feel better knowing that all my important (and even my not so important) projects are accounted for and I have a plan of action ready to follow.  However, I also know that I personally perform at my best when I’m improvising and taking risks, so it’s important for me to stay flexible and allow myself to switch gears and priorities at the drop of a hat.  My action plan is a helpful guide, it is not a set of laws carved in stone.  I like that.

You can have whatever it is you truly want and you can start going after it at any time of the year, but I say take action while you’re all on fire about it and keep moving forward—any step you take towards your goal, no matter how small or big, brings you closer to getting what you want.  Check your intentions and make sure you are coming from a positive, full place rather than a needy, fearful place, don’t be afraid to fail, find at least one supportive and encouraging person and hang out with them a lot, have fun and go for it. All the good stuff in 2010 is yours for the taking, so whatcha waiting for? Stake your claim.

Celebrating, Not Dreading, Foodmas

This week I told my Facebook friends I am calling the period from Thanksgiving to New Years Foodmas.  I have had a Thanksgiving dinner, a Hanukkah feast, a Christmas lunch and, in between, several holiday parties complete with their yummy treats.  As much as I have truly enjoyed indulging in these foods this season, my body is ready to get back to the clean eating and physical activity that it’s accustomed to.

A couple of years ago my sentiments about holiday eating—or eating in general—were not so casual or matter-of-fact.  I frantically accounted for each calorie consumed, checked the scale multiple times throughout the day and eyed myself in the mirror searching for evidence that I had indulged in forbidden tasties.  Most of the time I willed myself to stay away from the foods my friends and family were enjoying and on the occasions when I allowed myself to eat the sinful foods, I’d go way overboard and binge on them—the inevitable result of skipping meals and snacks throughout the day and assigning food moral values.  So there I was at parties and family functions so tightly wound-up about what I was ingesting, I’m sure I completely forgot to have fun.  Not this year.  I put my party pants on and ate what everyone else ate. Was I eating what I normally eat? Nope.  Did I occasionally eat when I was not hungry? Yup.  Did I pack on 500 pounds over the holidays? Nope.  Did I feel like an unworthy, out-of-control lowlife freak for eating a sugar cookie? Hell no.

I did gain a few pounds, but the difference between this year and years past is that I know these are temporary seasonal fun pounds that will leave with the holidays.   More importantly, I now know my weight has no impact on my feelings: I get to choose how I feel about me and my body and I choose to feel fierce regardless of what the scale reads or how my skinny jeans fit on any random day.  For anyone who is an emotional overeater and/or is struggling with body image issues, this is most likely a foreign concept, and I can certainly relate. Now that I no longer eat for comfort or excitement, however, food has lost its charge.  I can appreciate the pure pleasure of decadent holiday food, indulge in it and then walk away from the dessert table when my body has had enough –-and I can do this with zero drama.  This year when I did eat past satisfaction to fullness, I found it unpleasant enough to not want to repeat it.   My body and I are on the same page, I feel her signals and I honor them.  Okay, with the exception of that piece of pecan pie, but the good news is that even when I eat past fullness on rare occasion, my body trusts me to feed her the very next time she asks for fuel and to stop when she is satisfied and I do that for her.  We’re on the same team.

This is what happens when you realize that you are in full control of your feelings and actions.  I used to think bingeing was the act of a person who had lost control.  But the truth is I was always in control. My proof?  I walked me to the kitchen.  I reached into the pantry for the chips. I put the chips in my mouth. All me. Going deeper, I was in full control of the feelings that caused me to walk into the kitchen when I wasn’t hungry.  If someone said something rude to me with no hint of constructive criticism, I could decide to take it personally or realize it really is the problem of the other person.  If I stubbed my toe getting out of bed in the morning I could tell myself it’s going to be a horrible day or I could acknowledge it happened and see that it had nothing to do with the fabulous day I intended to have.  We choose our feelings–I do, you do and so do all the women who engage in emotional eating right now.

If you’re used to beating yourself up during and after the holidays for the foods you consume, be more compassionate with yourself.  Do something different this year: instead of going into the new year with a mean intention to starve and deprive yourself thin, find out what it is you really want out of life.  At best, food is fuel for your body–at worst, it is only a very poor substitute for what you truly yearn for.  If you’re going to make a new year’s resolution for 2010, resolve to find out what it is you truly want and go get it.  Don’t be surprised if you lose your food cravings, find your waistline and discover a good time along the way.  I sure have.

Receiving The Gifts of Others

Everyone was just sitting down to eat when I arrived—late–to the annual holiday dinner party my fabulous girlfriends were hosting. Holiday music played in the background and the table was impeccably set by one of my friends who has an eye for all things decorative: fun name cards, fine tableware, elegant holiday center pieces, water goblets filled and garnished with pomegranate seeds and sprigs of mint, wrapped gifts of music compiled and burned to CDs and tins of Godiva chocolate at each place setting—the touches and detail were amazing. The food was equally amazing: a to-die-for baked ham, creamy cornbread casserole, roasted vegetables, decadent desserts and yummy appetizers everywhere.   When I took my seat at the table among the women who prepared and presented this incredible meal with such warmth and thoughtfulness, I got emotional.  It was the first time during the entire holiday season I felt genuinely glad it was the holidays. Up until then I had been in what seemed like perpetual motion, running around, giving my time, attention and energy away to people and things outside of myself without stopping to take the time to replenish my energy stores. Sitting with my friends made me realize how important it is to receive graciously. With Christmas just days away, I already know this group of women have given me my most favorite gift this year by sharing their amazing talents with me.  Not only do my friends possess some fierce cooking and entertaining skills, but they also have this beautiful capacity to hold space for a friend and to let her know she is supported and loved.

It’s so easy to make the holidays about other people and things, but I realized the night of the holiday dinner that it’s far more satisfying to make this time of year about inter-connectedness with other people.  Giving is great, but until we also fully receive the gifts of others, no one can fully give. So please do your part this holiday season and know that by receiving the gifts of others, you are truly completing the act of giving and you yourself will have even more energy, cheer and love to give to others and they’ll have the opportunity to fully receive all your wonderful gifts in return.

Avoiding Holiday Overwhelm, One Task At a Time

You don’t say “I’m going to build the biggest, baddest, greatest wall that’s ever been built.” You say, “I’m going to lay this brick as perfectly as a brick can be laid.”  Do that every single day and soon you have a wall. ~Will Smith

I was standing in my kitchen the other day on the verge of a mini holiday meltdown.  The kitchen was a messy disaster, I was stressing about where to hide a very large Christmas gift I bought for my girls and I was sorting out which parties and events I would be attending.  On top of that, I was attempting to conduct my ongoing non-holiday life: growing my business, caring for my young children and making sure I’m getting what I need to function properly as a human being.  I had a moment where I would have sacrificed my sanity if I thought doing so could get it all done–a sure sign that sanity was already leaving me.  As I contemplated how I could load all the plates into the dishwasher at once to rush clean-up along, it occurred to me that I can only do one thing at a time: I can only load the dishwasher one dish at a time, I can only celebrate the holidays one party at a time and I can only connect with people by giving one person my full attention at a time.  This gave me a huge sense of relief. Doing it all doesn’t mean doing it all at once.

Almost every task can be broken down even further.  I’m writing this post one word at a time, and even simpler, one letter at a time. When I string these letters and words into sentences and paragraphs, I create something much bigger. Whether I’m writing a blog post or organizing my holiday calendar, I know I can only get it done if I take it moment by moment. I can totally handle that.

I eventually got the kitchen cleaned-up, found a great hiding place for the girls’ gift and I organized my December calendar.  The holidays aren’t over yet and there are still more guests to receive, more events to attend and more everyday life to live, but I feel better knowing that if I start to feel overwhelmed I can just break my to do list down into smaller and smaller tasks until I find it completely manageable.  Even if I don’t get it all done, I’ll be a lot more relaxed and peaceful knowing that I accomplished far more than I would have if I had spent my time worrying about getting it done.  That definitely makes my holidays happier.

Your Moveable Feast: A Guide to Eating Well On The Road

This week’s post was written by guest blogger, Bonnie Shapley. Bonnie is a Martha Beck trained life coach emphasizing self reliance through self discovery.  Through her experiences as a flight attendant, she also knows quite a bit about eating and planning meals on the go.

It was a little before 6:00 in a large Midwestern airport, when a flight attendant jumped off the airplane to get dinner for the crew who had not eaten all day. “Hi, I’d like to order five hamburgers and three orders of french fries.” The cashier’s face showed alarm mixed with a tinge of horror. “Oh”, she said, ”the cook’s not going to like this.”. “But you don’t close for 10 more minutes?” The cashier looked at her, measuring whether she would insist on this outrageous request, and then walked to the kitchen as if it were a gas chamber. She was right, the cook didn’t like it, and the only thing that came out of that kitchen was a long string of expletives.

Later that night somewhere in Omaha, two business travelers get in late after a full day of work and a mad dash to the airport which didn’t allow time for dinner, only to find that the kitchen in their hotel closed 30 minutes ago, and there aren’t any open restaurants close by.

A family of 6 with 3 small children had book the early nonstop flight from Oakland to Kansas City. They left early, planning to eat breakfast at the airport, but the traffic was bumper to bumper and then they ran into problems at security, just making it to the gate in time to board. With no food. On a 3 hour flight. Oops.

Don’t let this happen to you. Any number of incidents can occur that will keep you from eating while traveling. And then, on the off chance you do find a place open that will actually serve you, you might end up with a white bread lunch meat sandwich with wilted lettuce that cost $7.00. I once paid $22.00 to have a sandwich delivered to my hotel room because it was my only thing available. $22.00!

Over the years, I have learned a few tricks to ensure I’m properly fed on the road. It requires, dare I say it, a little preplanning and creativity. But anyone can do it. And you will find it well worth the effort, especially when you run into those almost guaranteed bumps in your traveling road.

It’s a food bag and if packed properly, it will be your best buddy. Not only will a food bag keep you from starving, it saves money, provides for healthier eating and guarantees you’ll have meals you really like. And that’s the primary rule for packing a food bag, only put things in it you really like. I’ve tried coercing myself into eating vegetables by packing mostly that food group, only to find I’d really rather gnaw on my arm than to eat a celery stick.

Putting the food bag together: Basic equipment- soft sided cooler bag, they come in many sizes, shapes and colors. My ‘fav’ have separate compartments for cold stuff, utensils and other condiments and another for items that don’t need to be cold, like bread and protein bars. Find one that is leak proof and large enough to put ice in the compartment with the food. A hot water bag, found in the first aid section of any store, can be filled with ice to keep your bag cool. Finally, stock up on plastic freezer bags for storing and heating.

 

How to do it: If you are traveling by air, you can bring cold food. And liquid condiments can be brought in containers of 3 oz or less. Any size liquids that don’t need to be kept cold can be placed in a checked bag, just be sure to put it in a plastic bag in case of leakage. To keep food cold going through security, freeze some of your food, chicken breasts and pastas freeze beautifully and keep your other food cold until you get through security. Then, when you’ve gotten to “the other side”, ask for a large cup of ice from a vendor or from the flight attendants once you’ve boarded.

Food to bring: This is the fun part. As mentioned, chicken and pastas, no sauce or lightly coated, are travel friendly foods. Pack some tortillas and make a chicken wrap with lettuce, hot sauce and a few blue cheese crumbles. Tuna, hummus, peanut butter, cheese as well as edamame are excellent sources of protein. For breakfast, instant oatmeal with your favorite nuts and maybe some dried cranberries or raisins or cereal. You can pack low fat parmalat milk, vacuum sealed so it doesn’t need to be cold, in your checked bag or pick up a bottle ahead of time in the airport or hotel. Fruit, if you can find it, is expensive on the road. Pack bananas, apples, berries, pineapple anything you like. And yes, vegetables. Just cut them up ahead of time. Small servings of frozen vegetables like sugar snap peas, broccoli and spinach come in their own plastic bag for heating; take them out of the box and pack just in the bag.

How to store and heat: Every hotel has an ice machine so it’s easy to keep your food cold. Many hotels also have small fridges and or microwaves in the guest rooms. Some will put them in rooms on request so when making a reservation, check on availability. But if not, you can heat up food using the coffee pot and ice bucket. Brew enough hot water to fill the ice bucket ¾ of the way, plop in your food in a freezer plastic bag, these tend to be stronger, close the lid and let it do its thing. This method will not cook food, only heat so make sure the food you bring is fully cooked. This works for leftovers, too. Have the waiter pack up your meal and then when you get back to your room, put it in a plastic bag and put it on ice; ready to heat up again when you’re hungry.

Your food bag can be as elaborate or as simple as you want. I once came across flight attendants creating a full roast beef dinner with mash potatoes and gravy and green beans. I like to carry enough food for two meals and snacks per day so I purchase one meal a day. The purpose is to keep you happy, healthy and properly fed with your bank account in tact at the end of your trip. Bon Appetit!

 

The Women’s Conference: Big Dreams, Big Results

I think there should be a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women. ~Madeleine Albright

Madeleine Albright on the screen--view of the conference from my seat in the arena

ARE THERE ANY VAGINAS IN THE HOUSE?! This is how Eve Ensler opened her presentation at The Women’s Conference hosted by Maria Shriver in Long Beach, California this week.  I love her.  She grabbed our attention and kept us mesmerized as she shared the story of a 14 year old Massai girl who fled her father’s home and traveled on foot for two days to reach a safe house.  Her motivation?  She was about to be married off to a senior citizen for the price of a few cows and, as is a common pre-matrimony practice among her people, that meant she was about to have her genitals mutilated.  She stayed at the safe house for a year, where she was supported, loved and educated.  She reconciled with her father after that year and, as Ensler recounts (she was present for this reconciliation), she was so fierce, so beautiful, and so strong that her father had no choice but to accept her back, because he understood that if she is educated and if she is supported, then one day she can come back and support the entire family.  Not only did he accept her back into his home, but, as a result of their teary and heartfelt reunion, he also gave his word to never cut any of her sisters.

No one is in charge except the people who pretend to be. ~Eve Ensler

One girl in one village directly impacted the lives of several women—her sisters–because of her courage and strength to stand up for her own truth, to honor herself.  What other women and men will change their hearts and minds because of her inspired action?  Over 14, 000 people heard this story at the conference (and more via a live webcast). I can tell you that I still feel the impact of this story—it reminds me that by standing in my own truth, I create another example of what that looks like and that has the potential to inspire others to stand in their own truth and power.  Maybe reading this Massai girl’s story has inspired you, too.  That’s how powerful one woman’s choice is.

Put yourself in position to make things happen. ~Robin Roberts

This wasn’t the only story that left me feeling inspired and on fire. Oh no. I had two full days and one night of this sort of thing and it was extraordinary.  It is my intent for all women everywhere to feel how I felt sharing space with some of the most powerful and accomplished women in the world. What these women achieved is amazing.  Another one of my favorite success stories was that of Larree Renda. Renda started out at 16 years old as a bagger at an Iowa Safeway supermarket and is now Safeway’s Executive Vice President, Chief Strategist and Administrative Officer—and she got it done without going to college.  Another great story: Madam Secretary Madeleine Albright sat through a commencement speech at her 1959 graduation from Wellesley College in which the speaker congratulated her class on a job well-done and then informed them that their major responsibility now is to raise smart children, mainly boys.

I had many heart to heart conversations with myself: ‘you’ve been successful before,’ I told me, ‘you’re really good at your job, you have something to offer and who in the hell do these people think they are?‘ ~Katie Couric on how she handled negative media criticism

Perhaps the most courageous and encouraging stories I heard belonged to Somaly Mam. Somaly was sold into a Cambodian brothel as a sex slave when she was about 11 years old (she’s not sure how old she was, what her real name is or who sold her into slavery) and raped so many times she lost count after a short while. Mam estimates that some girls as young as 5 years old are raped  as many as 20 to 30 times a day.  After witnessing the brutal murder of her best friend, she risked her own life by escaping the brothel, found help through a kind stranger and began her mission of rescuing other girls and providing them shelter, rehabilitation and an education.  Because of her bravery and passion for helping children, the Somaly Mam Foundation was born to aid victims of human trafficking and sex slavery. This year six of her charges were accepted into universities in the United States.  This was truly the most moving presentation of the two days I attended the conference, and every presentation was moving, so that is really saying something.

Women and children are not toys you can play with when you want—we have heart and we need it. ~Somaly Mam

As incredible and profound as these accomplishments are, what really rocks my world about these women is their passionate belief that they are bigger than anyone ever gave them permission to be—they knew they had an obligation to themselves to find out how big they really are and they did it and  they keep doing it.  The world is a better place because they refuse to play small. When each of us fulfills our own destiny we are that much more powerful when we come together and that is a very good thing.

The fastest way to change society is to mobilize the women of the world. ~Geena Davis quoting Charles Malik

If you’re ready for inspiration, encouragement and support to be who you really are, watch the recorded webcasts of every presenter I mentioned and of those I didn’t mention–they are all amazing. You come equipped with everything you need to discover that you really are the heroine of your own life. That’s how powerful you are.

Find out who you are and be that person.  ~Sheila Bair