Planning is bringing the future into the present so that you can do something about it now ~Alan Lakein

Coming in to 2010 I have a full roster of projects and goals I want to accomplish in the new year–dreaming and scheming up ideas has never been an issue for me, but I have a long history of feeling overwhelmed by all the action that needs to take place to get it done.  When I was in grade school, for example, after watching Grease for the gazillionth time,  I had the totally brilliant idea that my friends and I should form our own chapter of The Pink Ladies: I sold them on the pink jackets we would wear (they would even have our names written across the front–in cursive!), I explained how we’d strut around the school acting tough and rebellious like Rizzo did, but I did suggest we forego taking up smoking because we would for sure get in trouble with the teachers and our parents if they found out.   We all got giggly and excited about our new club—we even made temporary name tags for ourselves (in case we had difficulty identifying one another in my room that day)—and after we finished our celebratory dancing and singing to the Grease soundtrack, one of my friends asked, who is gonna make the jackets?  other questions followed, will we have meetings? What sort of things will we do besides wear jackets and not smoke? Can we invite other girls to join? Which one of us is more like Sandy? Then there was a heated discussion about whether we should have a secret greeting that only our members knew—some thought it was cool while others thought it was beyond dorky. At some point we all got hungry and raided my kitchen pantry. We never formed the Miller Elementary School chapter of The Pink Ladies, there were lots of reasons, but two biggies were that my idea lacked focus and a plan of action. Well, I’ve come a long way, baby. No, I won’t be starting a new chapter of The Pink Ladies, but I am taking a far more organized approach to getting what I do want these days.

For my 2010 goals, I took the idea of picking the feeling I want to feel and a theme song to get inspired and stay focused on what it is I want to accomplish as Susan Hyatt recommends, I broke down my plan into tasks and created a schedule by following a simple, but effective time management system suggested by Robert Middleton.  And to pull it all together and really make it happen I am following my most favorite advice for preventing overwhelm: taking it one step at a time.  I feel better knowing that all my important (and even my not so important) projects are accounted for and I have a plan of action ready to follow.  However, I also know that I personally perform at my best when I’m improvising and taking risks, so it’s important for me to stay flexible and allow myself to switch gears and priorities at the drop of a hat.  My action plan is a helpful guide, it is not a set of laws carved in stone.  I like that.

You can have whatever it is you truly want and you can start going after it at any time of the year, but I say take action while you’re all on fire about it and keep moving forward—any step you take towards your goal, no matter how small or big, brings you closer to getting what you want.  Check your intentions and make sure you are coming from a positive, full place rather than a needy, fearful place, don’t be afraid to fail, find at least one supportive and encouraging person and hang out with them a lot, have fun and go for it. All the good stuff in 2010 is yours for the taking, so whatcha waiting for? Stake your claim.

This week I told my Facebook friends I am calling the period from Thanksgiving to New Years Foodmas.  I have had a Thanksgiving dinner, a Hanukkah feast, a Christmas lunch and, in between, several holiday parties complete with their yummy treats.  As much as I have truly enjoyed indulging in these foods this season, my body is ready to get back to the clean eating and physical activity that it’s accustomed to.

A couple of years ago my sentiments about holiday eating—or eating in general—were not so casual or matter-of-fact.  I frantically accounted for each calorie consumed, checked the scale multiple times throughout the day and eyed myself in the mirror searching for evidence that I had indulged in forbidden tasties.  Most of the time I willed myself to stay away from the foods my friends and family were enjoying and on the occasions when I allowed myself to eat the sinful foods, I’d go way overboard and binge on them—the inevitable result of skipping meals and snacks throughout the day and assigning food moral values.  So there I was at parties and family functions so tightly wound-up about what I was ingesting, I’m sure I completely forgot to have fun.  Not this year.  I put my party pants on and ate what everyone else ate. Was I eating what I normally eat? Nope.  Did I occasionally eat when I was not hungry? Yup.  Did I pack on 500 pounds over the holidays? Nope.  Did I feel like an unworthy, out-of-control lowlife freak for eating a sugar cookie? Hell no.

I did gain a few pounds, but the difference between this year and years past is that I know these are temporary seasonal fun pounds that will leave with the holidays.   More importantly, I now know my weight has no impact on my feelings: I get to choose how I feel about me and my body and I choose to feel fierce regardless of what the scale reads or how my skinny jeans fit on any random day.  For anyone who is an emotional overeater and/or is struggling with body image issues, this is most likely a foreign concept, and I can certainly relate. Now that I no longer eat for comfort or excitement, however, food has lost its charge.  I can appreciate the pure pleasure of decadent holiday food, indulge in it and then walk away from the dessert table when my body has had enough –-and I can do this with zero drama.  This year when I did eat past satisfaction to fullness, I found it unpleasant enough to not want to repeat it.   My body and I are on the same page, I feel her signals and I honor them.  Okay, with the exception of that piece of pecan pie, but the good news is that even when I eat past fullness on rare occasion, my body trusts me to feed her the very next time she asks for fuel and to stop when she is satisfied and I do that for her.  We’re on the same team.

This is what happens when you realize that you are in full control of your feelings and actions.  I used to think bingeing was the act of a person who had lost control.  But the truth is I was always in control. My proof?  I walked me to the kitchen.  I reached into the pantry for the chips. I put the chips in my mouth. All me. Going deeper, I was in full control of the feelings that caused me to walk into the kitchen when I wasn’t hungry.  If someone said something rude to me with no hint of constructive criticism, I could decide to take it personally or realize it really is the problem of the other person.  If I stubbed my toe getting out of bed in the morning I could tell myself it’s going to be a horrible day or I could acknowledge it happened and see that it had nothing to do with the fabulous day I intended to have.  We choose our feelings–I do, you do and so do all the women who engage in emotional eating right now.

If you’re used to beating yourself up during and after the holidays for the foods you consume, be more compassionate with yourself.  Do something different this year: instead of going into the new year with a mean intention to starve and deprive yourself thin, find out what it is you really want out of life.  At best, food is fuel for your body–at worst, it is only a very poor substitute for what you truly yearn for.  If you’re going to make a new year’s resolution for 2010, resolve to find out what it is you truly want and go get it.  Don’t be surprised if you lose your food cravings, find your waistline and discover a good time along the way.  I sure have.

Everyone was just sitting down to eat when I arrived—late–to the annual holiday dinner party my fabulous girlfriends were hosting. Holiday music played in the background and the table was impeccably set by one of my friends who has an eye for all things decorative: fun name cards, fine tableware, elegant holiday center pieces, water goblets filled and garnished with pomegranate seeds and sprigs of mint, wrapped gifts of music compiled and burned to CDs and tins of Godiva chocolate at each place setting—the touches and detail were amazing. The food was equally amazing: a to-die-for baked ham, creamy cornbread casserole, roasted vegetables, decadent desserts and yummy appetizers everywhere.   When I took my seat at the table among the women who prepared and presented this incredible meal with such warmth and thoughtfulness, I got emotional.  It was the first time during the entire holiday season I felt genuinely glad it was the holidays. Up until then I had been in what seemed like perpetual motion, running around, giving my time, attention and energy away to people and things outside of myself without stopping to take the time to replenish my energy stores. Sitting with my friends made me realize how important it is to receive graciously. With Christmas just days away, I already know this group of women have given me my most favorite gift this year by sharing their amazing talents with me.  Not only do my friends possess some fierce cooking and entertaining skills, but they also have this beautiful capacity to hold space for a friend and to let her know she is supported and loved.

It’s so easy to make the holidays about other people and things, but I realized the night of the holiday dinner that it’s far more satisfying to make this time of year about inter-connectedness with other people.  Giving is great, but until we also fully receive the gifts of others, no one can fully give. So please do your part this holiday season and know that by receiving the gifts of others, you are truly completing the act of giving and you yourself will have even more energy, cheer and love to give to others and they’ll have the opportunity to fully receive all your wonderful gifts in return.

You don’t say “I’m going to build the biggest, baddest, greatest wall that’s ever been built.” You say, “I’m going to lay this brick as perfectly as a brick can be laid.”  Do that every single day and soon you have a wall. ~Will Smith

I was standing in my kitchen the other day on the verge of a mini holiday meltdown.  The kitchen was a messy disaster, I was stressing about where to hide a very large Christmas gift I bought for my girls and I was sorting out which parties and events I would be attending.  On top of that, I was attempting to conduct my ongoing non-holiday life: growing my business, caring for my young children and making sure I’m getting what I need to function properly as a human being.  I had a moment where I would have sacrificed my sanity if I thought doing so could get it all done–a sure sign that sanity was already leaving me.  As I contemplated how I could load all the plates into the dishwasher at once to rush clean-up along, it occurred to me that I can only do one thing at a time: I can only load the dishwasher one dish at a time, I can only celebrate the holidays one party at a time and I can only connect with people by giving one person my full attention at a time.  This gave me a huge sense of relief. Doing it all doesn’t mean doing it all at once.

Almost every task can be broken down even further.  I’m writing this post one word at a time, and even simpler, one letter at a time. When I string these letters and words into sentences and paragraphs, I create something much bigger. Whether I’m writing a blog post or organizing my holiday calendar, I know I can only get it done if I take it moment by moment. I can totally handle that.

I eventually got the kitchen cleaned-up, found a great hiding place for the girls’ gift and I organized my December calendar.  The holidays aren’t over yet and there are still more guests to receive, more events to attend and more everyday life to live, but I feel better knowing that if I start to feel overwhelmed I can just break my to do list down into smaller and smaller tasks until I find it completely manageable.  Even if I don’t get it all done, I’ll be a lot more relaxed and peaceful knowing that I accomplished far more than I would have if I had spent my time worrying about getting it done.  That definitely makes my holidays happier.

This week’s post was written by guest blogger, Bonnie Shapley. Bonnie is a Martha Beck trained life coach emphasizing self reliance through self discovery.  Through her experiences as a flight attendant, she also knows quite a bit about eating and planning meals on the go.

It was a little before 6:00 in a large Midwestern airport, when a flight attendant jumped off the airplane to get dinner for the crew who had not eaten all day. “Hi, I’d like to order five hamburgers and three orders of french fries.” The cashier’s face showed alarm mixed with a tinge of horror. “Oh”, she said, ”the cook’s not going to like this.”. “But you don’t close for 10 more minutes?” The cashier looked at her, measuring whether she would insist on this outrageous request, and then walked to the kitchen as if it were a gas chamber. She was right, the cook didn’t like it, and the only thing that came out of that kitchen was a long string of expletives.

Later that night somewhere in Omaha, two business travelers get in late after a full day of work and a mad dash to the airport which didn’t allow time for dinner, only to find that the kitchen in their hotel closed 30 minutes ago, and there aren’t any open restaurants close by.

A family of 6 with 3 small children had book the early nonstop flight from Oakland to Kansas City. They left early, planning to eat breakfast at the airport, but the traffic was bumper to bumper and then they ran into problems at security, just making it to the gate in time to board. With no food. On a 3 hour flight. Oops.

Don’t let this happen to you. Any number of incidents can occur that will keep you from eating while traveling. And then, on the off chance you do find a place open that will actually serve you, you might end up with a white bread lunch meat sandwich with wilted lettuce that cost $7.00. I once paid $22.00 to have a sandwich delivered to my hotel room because it was my only thing available. $22.00!

Over the years, I have learned a few tricks to ensure I’m properly fed on the road. It requires, dare I say it, a little preplanning and creativity. But anyone can do it. And you will find it well worth the effort, especially when you run into those almost guaranteed bumps in your traveling road.

It’s a food bag and if packed properly, it will be your best buddy. Not only will a food bag keep you from starving, it saves money, provides for healthier eating and guarantees you’ll have meals you really like. And that’s the primary rule for packing a food bag, only put things in it you really like. I’ve tried coercing myself into eating vegetables by packing mostly that food group, only to find I’d really rather gnaw on my arm than to eat a celery stick.

Putting the food bag together: Basic equipment- soft sided cooler bag, they come in many sizes, shapes and colors. My ‘fav’ have separate compartments for cold stuff, utensils and other condiments and another for items that don’t need to be cold, like bread and protein bars. Find one that is leak proof and large enough to put ice in the compartment with the food. A hot water bag, found in the first aid section of any store, can be filled with ice to keep your bag cool. Finally, stock up on plastic freezer bags for storing and heating.

How to do it: If you are traveling by air, you can bring cold food. And liquid condiments can be brought in containers of 3 oz or less. Any size liquids that don’t need to be kept cold can be placed in a checked bag, just be sure to put it in a plastic bag in case of leakage. To keep food cold going through security, freeze some of your food, chicken breasts and pastas freeze beautifully and keep your other food cold until you get through security. Then, when you’ve gotten to “the other side”, ask for a large cup of ice from a vendor or from the flight attendants once you’ve boarded.

Food to bring: This is the fun part. As mentioned, chicken and pastas, no sauce or lightly coated, are travel friendly foods. Pack some tortillas and make a chicken wrap with lettuce, hot sauce and a few blue cheese crumbles. Tuna, hummus, peanut butter, cheese as well as edamame are excellent sources of protein. For breakfast, instant oatmeal with your favorite nuts and maybe some dried cranberries or raisins or cereal. You can pack low fat parmalat milk, vacuum sealed so it doesn’t need to be cold, in your checked bag or pick up a bottle ahead of time in the airport or hotel. Fruit, if you can find it, is expensive on the road. Pack bananas, apples, berries, pineapple anything you like. And yes, vegetables. Just cut them up ahead of time. Small servings of frozen vegetables like sugar snap peas, broccoli and spinach come in their own plastic bag for heating; take them out of the box and pack just in the bag.

How to store and heat: Every hotel has an ice machine so it’s easy to keep your food cold. Many hotels also have small fridges and or microwaves in the guest rooms. Some will put them in rooms on request so when making a reservation, check on availability. But if not, you can heat up food using the coffee pot and ice bucket. Brew enough hot water to fill the ice bucket ¾ of the way, plop in your food in a freezer plastic bag, these tend to be stronger, close the lid and let it do its thing. This method will not cook food, only heat so make sure the food you bring is fully cooked. This works for leftovers, too. Have the waiter pack up your meal and then when you get back to your room, put it in a plastic bag and put it on ice; ready to heat up again when you’re hungry.

Your food bag can be as elaborate or as simple as you want. I once came across flight attendants creating a full roast beef dinner with mash potatoes and gravy and green beans. I like to carry enough food for two meals and snacks per day so I purchase one meal a day. The purpose is to keep you happy, healthy and properly fed with your bank account in tact at the end of your trip. Bon Appetit!

I think there should be a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women. ~Madeleine Albright

Madeleine Albright on the screen--view of the conference from my seat in the arena

ARE THERE ANY VAGINAS IN THE HOUSE?! This is how Eve Ensler opened her presentation at The Women’s Conference hosted by Maria Shriver in Long Beach, California this week.  I love her.  She grabbed our attention and kept us mesmerized as she shared the story of a 14 year old Massai girl who fled her father’s home and traveled on foot for two days to reach a safe house.  Her motivation?  She was about to be married off to a senior citizen for the price of a few cows and, as is a common pre-matrimony practice among her people, that meant she was about to have her genitals mutilated.  She stayed at the safe house for a year, where she was supported, loved and educated.  She reconciled with her father after that year and, as Ensler recounts (she was present for this reconciliation), she was so fierce, so beautiful, and so strong that her father had no choice but to accept her back, because he understood that if she is educated and if she is supported, then one day she can come back and support the entire family.  Not only did he accept her back into his home, but, as a result of their teary and heartfelt reunion, he also gave his word to never cut any of her sisters.

No one is in charge except the people who pretend to be. ~Eve Ensler

One girl in one village directly impacted the lives of several women—her sisters–because of her courage and strength to stand up for her own truth, to honor herself.  What other women and men will change their hearts and minds because of her inspired action?  Over 14, 000 people heard this story at the conference (and more via a live webcast). I can tell you that I still feel the impact of this story—it reminds me that by standing in my own truth, I create another example of what that looks like and that has the potential to inspire others to stand in their own truth and power.  Maybe reading this Massai girl’s story has inspired you, too.  That’s how powerful one woman’s choice is.

Put yourself in position to make things happen. ~Robin Roberts

This wasn’t the only story that left me feeling inspired and on fire. Oh no. I had two full days and one night of this sort of thing and it was extraordinary.  It is my intent for all women everywhere to feel how I felt sharing space with some of the most powerful and accomplished women in the world. What these women achieved is amazing.  Another one of my favorite success stories was that of Larree Renda. Renda started out at 16 years old as a bagger at an Iowa Safeway supermarket and is now Safeway’s Executive Vice President, Chief Strategist and Administrative Officer—and she got it done without going to college.  Another great story: Madam Secretary Madeleine Albright sat through a commencement speech at her 1959 graduation from Wellesley College in which the speaker congratulated her class on a job well-done and then informed them that their major responsibility now is to raise smart children, mainly boys.

I had many heart to heart conversations with myself: ‘you’ve been successful before,’ I told me, ‘you’re really good at your job, you have something to offer and who in the hell do these people think they are?‘ ~Katie Couric on how she handled negative media criticism

Perhaps the most courageous and encouraging stories I heard belonged to Somaly Mam. Somaly was sold into a Cambodian brothel as a sex slave when she was about 11 years old (she’s not sure how old she was, what her real name is or who sold her into slavery) and raped so many times she lost count after a short while. Mam estimates that some girls as young as 5 years old are raped  as many as 20 to 30 times a day.  After witnessing the brutal murder of her best friend, she risked her own life by escaping the brothel, found help through a kind stranger and began her mission of rescuing other girls and providing them shelter, rehabilitation and an education.  Because of her bravery and passion for helping children, the Somaly Mam Foundation was born to aid victims of human trafficking and sex slavery. This year six of her charges were accepted into universities in the United States.  This was truly the most moving presentation of the two days I attended the conference, and every presentation was moving, so that is really saying something.

Women and children are not toys you can play with when you want—we have heart and we need it. ~Somaly Mam

As incredible and profound as these accomplishments are, what really rocks my world about these women is their passionate belief that they are bigger than anyone ever gave them permission to be—they knew they had an obligation to themselves to find out how big they really are and they did it and  they keep doing it.  The world is a better place because they refuse to play small. When each of us fulfills our own destiny we are that much more powerful when we come together and that is a very good thing.

The fastest way to change society is to mobilize the women of the world. ~Geena Davis quoting Charles Malik

If you’re ready for inspiration, encouragement and support to be who you really are, watch the recorded webcasts of every presenter I mentioned and of those I didn’t mention–they are all amazing. You come equipped with everything you need to discover that you really are the heroine of your own life. That’s how powerful you are.

Find out who you are and be that person.  ~Sheila Bair

Don’t let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use. ~Earl Nightingale

My daughter holding the first book she read by herself and the book she is reading now.

Witnessing my 6 year old daughter learning how to read is inspiring.   She’s not discouraged that she’s not the best reader in her class or that she can’t comprehend a Leo Tolstoy novel.  She doesn’t worry about the consequences of not being able to read and she’s not pursuing this skill because she believes it will bring her fame, fortune or an exciting relationship. Her goal is very simple: she wants to read her book and she accomplishes this goal by reading one word at a time.  When that goal is too big, she breaks the word down and sounds out each letter. Sometimes this process is slow and challenging, she gets frustrated (sometimes VERY frustrated) when she comes across a new word that she doesn’t know and has difficulty sounding out, but she’ll either ask for help or eventually figure it out and move on.  At other times, she whips through previously challenging words and sentences and feels rewarded by her accomplishment (if her beaming smile is any indicator).  Having tons of support and encouragement from her family, teachers and school volunteers has gone a long way to help her achieve her goals as well.  It will be a while before my daughter is proficient enough to enjoy Anna Karenina, but every day her efforts bring her closer and closer to mastering her reading skills.  It’s really amazing to see.

I find myself wondering how different my experience would be if I was learning how to read at my current age.  I suspect that my motivation may be different (far more fear and ego to confront for sure), but the fundamental process would remain the same:  I’d start by opening a book, I’d turn to the first page, then take on one word at a time, letter by letter, moment by moment.  Eventually I’d get through the book, and during this process, before I’d even finish the book, I would have become a reader.

You can read. This is no small accomplishment, only one you may have taken for granted.  If you ever doubt that you can master any skill you truly want to master, go read something. Then after you are through telling yourself the story of how you can’t do something, get to the practice of getting it done by breaking the goal down, into very easy, very manageable steps.  For example:  A sedentary individual who dreams of running a marathon may make putting her shoes on the first phase of their training program.  The next phase may be getting outside and walking around for a few minutes, the next phase may mean walking for longer periods of time, in time, she will be able to walk longer distances and at brisker paces until she feels compelled to jog, then run . . .eventually she will be conditioned for a full marathon, but in the meantime, she has already become a runner.

What small step can you take today toward achieving your goal? If you are unmotivated to do it, the step is too big, make it smaller and smaller until you are doing it.  If you are looking for even more tips on getting stuff done check out my post Turn Crappy Into Happy.

I went shopping last week and spent the vast majority of the time in a fitting room thanks to a very helpful personal shopper who retrieved everything and anything I could possibly want to try on.  While I waited between outfits, I was privy to the conversations going on around me.  Usually I’m too preoccupied with trying stuff on or fetching clothing myself, that I don’t pay attention to what is being said, but this time, with little else to do but wait, I couldn’t help but overhear the conversations.  One woman was talking to her daughter on her cell phone, another woman was going over the merits and consequences of breaking out of her current classic style rut with a friend and then there was the conversation that really captured my attention: a woman lamenting to her sales associate I could never pull that look off.  I don’t know what look she was referring to, but it was irrelevant, I was intimately familiar with this woman’s sentiments.  As someone who spent the better part of her high school years and young adult life addicted to fashion magazines, I knew exactly what this woman was talking about.

For a long time I felt the need to make clothes look good. I wanted to be worthy of the season’s hottest silhouette and styles, even if it didn’t flatter or honor my shape and size. I would get super frustrated when I tried something on and I didn’t look anything like what was styled for me in my fashion magazines.  There was good reason for this: I wasn’t built like anyone in a fashion magazine and I erroneously thought I should be.  It wasn’t until after I had my first child that I learned the value of dressing for my body and discovered how choosing the right styles for my shape and employing a skilled tailor would make the clothes serve me, not the other way around. It’s a simple shift in thinking really:  I’m the employer, clothes are my employee.  Now that I know this, fitting room meltdowns are a thing of the past. When I shop, I pass over racks and racks of clothing that don’t flatter me and I quickly narrow my choices down to pieces that do.  Knowing that my clothes work for me is no small boost in confidence either, it’s a lot easier to carry myself well when I know my clothes fit, hug and hang on my body in all the right places.

If you’re ready to have your clothing work for you, then check out what I consider the bible for dressing any size and shape: The Pocket Stylist by Kendall Farr.  If you like the idea of having a real live person assist in your clothing choices, find out if your favorite department store has a personal shopper or stylist on staff and make an appointment with her (I’d still do my own homework on my shape, though). This service is free and having that objective opinion can end up saving you time and money.  You could also hire a freelance stylist for more choices that aren’t limited to a specific store.

When I look back on my past and recall all the desperate and disordered attempts I made at losing weight and keeping it off, I never felt at peace. Even when the weight came off, I was worried about putting weight back on.  My identity was all wrapped-up in what I made my size and shape mean.  At times, being thin meant I had a shot at a dance career, at other times it meant attempting to please a man who cautioned me never to gain weight if I expected him to remain attracted to me (it’s no coincidence that I attracted a man into my life who mirrored my lack of body confidence at the time) and still other times my fitness drew attention and compliments from others and made me feel validated. At none of those times did I feel genuinely happy—I was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was motivated by fear (of not being good enough) and lack (never getting enough approval or attention). It took me a while, but eventually I learned that nothing outside of myself (compliments, boyfriends, career, thinness and even my own body) could give me lasting happiness, that was a choice I would have to make in my own mind.

When I let go of looking outside myself for my happiness, I was free to discover what really turned me on, what truly filled me up.  I started to participate in activities for no other reason than they looked like a good time, I wasn’t trying to take anything from the experience, I was giving myself  the gift of fun.  One of the many things I  discovered is that I am an athletic girl who loves and appreciates her body for it’s strength, abilities and good health, no longer because I hope my body will buy me approval or acceptance.  So when I get on my pole, practice yoga, swim, surf or dance, my motivation is abundance and excitement: I want to play!  With that motivation, it feels good to be in my body enjoying these activities–the activities and my body don’t bring me joy, I bring joy to my activities through my body. And because I’m enjoying myself so much, the only people who show up in my life are other people who reflect back my own joy—at least, those are the only people I am aware of!  I’m not so evolved that I don’t have days where I see myself or my body with a critical eye, but I have learned and created some pretty fierce tools for snapping myself out fear and lack mode and bringing my focus back to all the abundant and exciting stuff going on in my life.

If pursuing your weight loss or fitness goals makes you feel stressed and anxious, your actions are being driven by fear and lack.  Take a long hard look at your goals and be sure your desire comes from a place of abundance and excitement, and  you’re not just afraid of what will or won’t happen if you don’t achieve them. Signs that your motivation is abundance and excitement are:  you stride confidently toward your goal knowing it’s just a matter of when–not if– you get there, the journey is as much fun (if not more fun than) arriving at your goal, your actions are inspired and you look forward to having what you want without grasping or neediness.  If you are impatient, frustrated or worried then you are counting on your goal to give you something it cannot: peace and happiness.  Use the meantime to cultivate peace and happiness for yourself now.  One way you can do this is by keeping a gratitude journal and write five things for which you are grateful every night–this is very powerful. This way, you will have what you truly want now and after you reach your goal, too.

Take a look at this photo I came across in this Glamour Magazine article.

What thoughts enter your mind?

The first thought that popped into my head went something like Yikes! Did this poor girl know that her belly was going to be photographed like this? I’m so glad I don’t have THAT situation going on! You can see how distraught the model, Lizzi Miller, is in this captured moment. Of course, the problem was all mine—in the instant I saw that photo, my eyes were drawn to her belly and I immediately recalled, with knee-jerk speed, all the rules I had adopted over a lifetime governing what an acceptable belly looks like. This may sound completely un-cool coming from someone who works with individuals on weight loss and body image issues, but, yup, that was the dirty little thought that flooded my mind at that very moment.  As a coach, I also know that any judgment I make about anyone or anything outside of myself is really a judgment I make about me.  I imagined the horror I might feel if I was the girl in the picture and it was my belly rolling out for all to see. Some of you may sympathize with me and many more of you may be thinking, Are you kidding?! I would kill to look like Lizzi Miller in this photo! Either way, chances are good that you are harboring a less than kind thought about your own body.  If the first thing you noticed was Lizzie’s gorgeous smile it’s because you recognize your own inherent beauty, something the rest of us need to do if we want to feel fabulous about ourselves.

Because I’m a firm believer in facing my fears, I stripped down before a mirror, found myself a stool to sit on, relaxed my belly and recreated Lizzi’s posture to see what, exactly, would happen. Now, even though my belly is quite fit, it turns out that I get a belly roll in this posture, too. Know what else?  I totally survived the experience, because I know it doesn’t matter what my belly does or doesn’t do: I can be happy whether I have rolly, fleshy belly or flat svelte belly—that’s my call. If you happen to be working on getting a flat, svelte belly, getting happy now, whatever the state of your belly, will help you bring about and maintain your desired results (if you’re hoping the flat belly will make you happy, you will only be as happy as your belly is flat—how happy will you be to maintain that belly under those high-pressure circumstances?).

You can try this same experiment for yourself. In fact, I encourage you to try it if the thought of seeing your belly bared or not sucked-up into your esophagus gives you hives.  What are you making that extra flesh mean? When you feel good because your belly looks flatter, but feel crappy when your belly looks fuller, you are creating a lot of drama for yourself.  Decide to feel good about yourself no matter what, pick a feature or quality you do love and focus on that, then look at your belly again.  If you are completely held hostage by your thoughts about your body, check out my post, Does This Thought Make Me Look Fat.

After doing this little experiment on myself, I learned two things: 1) No matter what a person’s size or shape, belly rolls happen—that’s real. I can either choose to see myself as an individual with a belly roll or see myself as someone with a gorgeous smile.  What I focus on tells me a lot about what I’m thinking about myself and the good news is, if I don’t like what I’m thinking, I have the power to change that. 2) When someone radiates self-love, self-acceptance and confidence, they are going to look incredibly attractive to other self-loving, self-accepting, confident individuals, no matter what pose they strike.

With this new understanding about myself, I now look at the photo of Lizzi Miller and think that is one sexy chick rocking a killer smile.