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Where’s the BFF?

A while back I posted a blog about romantic relationships and how damaging I thought it was for people to seek their personal fulfillment in others.  I recently discovered that I was falling for the same trap I ranted on about, only I wasn’t pining for a romantic partner, I was pining for a best friend!  Like my romantically longing sisters and brothers, I wondered things like: when will I find that special someone who really “gets me”, the girlfriend who will take off with me on a moment’s notice for a weekend at the spa, someone who shares my interests and wants to partake in activities I find fascinating and fun, someone who will just love and accept me for who I am , someone who will constantly tell me how amazing, wonderful and fabulous I am . . .?!!!  With the exception of the love and acceptance part, this set up sounds nothing like a friendship and a whole lot more like a desperate salesperson sucking up to a potential customer.  I decided I definitely do not want to be a part of that. 

What I did come to realize is that feeling understood is very important, but asking someone to understand me, my preferences and my quirks – and appreciate them – is not only a tall order, it’s impossible to do unless that someone happens to be me.  Ultimately, I’m responsible for feeling understood.  If I don’t understand me, I’m in big trouble.  Fortunately, I do get me.  In fact, I spent the better part of the last couple of years trying to figure me out!  So not only am I relieved to know that I get me, I’m grateful that I took the time and made the effort to really know myself, an ongoing process as you can see.  
  
As for the weekend at the spa, when I get right down to it, I’d rather go by myself.  That’s just how I roll (something I learned about myself and now totally “get” about me).  Wanting someone to tell me really positive things about me is just my ego seeking validation from others that I’m a worthwhile human.  But as Eckhart Tolle says human alone is never enough . . .then there is Being (I also refer to it as spirit or soul) . . . human and Being are not separate, but interwoven.  In other words, as long as I believe my worth as a person only comes from my  achievements, favorable situations or possessions (including relationships) I am always going to fall short.  Why? because these things are fleeting (even if they last decades) and ever changing, but the one constant is knowing and loving myself – that which is beyond human.  When I connect to the deeper part of who I really am, not only do I feel totally fulfilled, but my relationships with others become richer, too.
   
Once I realized this, I realized that pursuing and having a best friend was unnecessary for two reasons: 1) I am the only person capable of making myself feel completely worthy and whole and 2) I have many fabulous friends who are as different from one another as can be, yet they all have one thing in common: they love and accept me for who I am and have no desire to change me in any way.
   
How cool is it that I get to be friends with this unique combination of people?! Now that I have a more mature understanding of my relationships, I can assume the role of my own BFF and let everyone else off the hook.  I am free to enjoy my friends without the nagging and false belief that I need anything from them (or anyone else) and that allows me to be there, fully connected, with the people I love.  
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