Home > Uncategorized > Every Moment Is Equipped With A Built-in Reset Button

Every Moment Is Equipped With A Built-in Reset Button

At the age of ten I was sexually harassed by two of my male classmates on a daily basis.  When I complained about their behavior, my fifth grade teacher reprimanded me for using the swing-set when the boys were around (apparently this indicated that I was begging them to look up my skirt) and for generally being a female.  However, she pardoned the boys’ shenanigans (which involved a lot of butt-grabbing and the putting of things down my shirt). When I look back on this situation I can see that this woman was a few clowns short of a circus.  Unfortunately, I had no idea who Byron Katie was at the time and my ten-year-old mind created a story out of the crazy fodder this particular grown-up had produced.  The story went something like this: boys good, girls bad.   As I grew older, I took it upon myself to further embellish on this story: if I captured a boy’s attention, I was at fault and therefore I should probably  like him back—by the time I reached adulthood, I believed that my wants and boundaries were irrelevant, that I caused boys to become wantonly lustful and that my retribution was to just let them do whatever they wanted with me (emotionally, physically, verbally).  Not so empowering, right?  Don’t worry this story has a happy ending, I promise!


Fast forward to my most recent date.  This guy was nice and had a sweet athletic physique, but I was feeling zero chemistry.  We ended up having a decent chat, the date ended cordially and I assumed he was feeling the no chemistry thing, too.  Then he texted me not five minutes after our date was over telling me he wants to see me again.  Seriously? I was immediately gripped by the thought “well, maybe you should go out with him again now that YOU got him all interested, you shameless harlot!” It was, unmistakably, the voice of my batty fifth grade teacher. But two things happened: first, I remembered some advice I gave one of my twitter friends last week: “every moment is equipped with a built-in reset button.” I knew I had an opportunity to ditch the old crazy teacher voice in my head and act in my own best interest by being completely clear and real with my date.  Also, I could give up the practice of acting crazy, cold or just plain mean toward the interested party in a manipulative attempt to turn him off of me—this was my preferred method of breaking up, btw, giving the guy enough evidence that I wasn’t worth the trouble.  Second, after doing a healthy amount of self-coaching around this whole issue, I discovered a story that feels far superior to the one I’d been telling myself since I was ten years old: it’s not just okay to allow others to show me love and appreciation without having to match their intensity or even reciprocate it at all, it’s completely fabulous! I can accept the admiration, attention and love, be thankful for it and leave it at that (exception: the throwing of items down my shirt will be met with a swift roundhouse kick to the head—unless there’s chemistry, of course).  The egos, self-esteem, thoughts and emotions of others are none of my business, that’s all on them.  But my feelings, wants and thoughts are totally my business. So I fired-off a friendly, but clear text telling my date that I wasn’t interested.  He eventually thanked me. I let a guy go and I didn’t even have to get involved in a relationship with him before I tried to manipulate him into ending it! It felt very clean and peaceful. It was honest. Yay me!

My guess is that you also have an old tired story that you tell yourself that doesn’t serve you.  It might be about your relationships, your career, your weight, your health or your finances.  What thought are you choosing to believe that keeps you stuck and prevents you from getting what you truly want?  Exercise your option to hit the reset button in this moment and change your story right now, just a subtle shift in your thinking is all that is needed (try the focus wheel process, it rocks!)—find a thought that feels even slightly better than the one that is causing you to suffer. Feel the freedom and relief that comes when you start truly leading your life and then observe how differently life treats you.  I gotta tell ya, it’s pretty freakin’ awesome.

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. August 26, 2009 at 9:22 pm

    Yay, you! Awesome turnaround, awesome post. (Affectionately tossing a daisy down the front of your shirt…..)

  2. August 26, 2009 at 9:40 pm

    Thanks Laura and I accept your affectionate offer!

  3. September 2, 2009 at 4:16 pm

    Thanks for sharing this story. I have a situation in my life that I’ve been thinking about “calling it quits” but haven’t quite had the guts to do it it yet. I love the idea of pressing a reset button. It makes it feel a little easier and gentler. Thank you!

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