Is Getting What You Want Worth Risking What You Have?

What I love about risk taking is that it is how great work comes about—greatness doesn’t come from playing it safe. ~Tim Gunn

I sometimes find myself thinking how clean and convenient it would be to get what I want, while not losing what I have. I know this usually cannot be the case, however, because most times getting what I want involves letting go of something else.  In order to reach my current state of health and fitness, for example, I had to let go of some habits that I really wanted to hold on to . . .initially.  Like most people with eating disorders, I did not want to give up using food as a way to cope with problems or challenges in my life.  However, I was also so sick of feeling that I lacked control over my body and life and I wanted more than anything to feel in control of me.  I had to risk the former in order to get the latter, and that’s exactly what I did.  I no longer use food for anything other than for fuel. I have learned that challenges require solutions, not cake, and most of the time I am able to find the solution.  Even when I don’t resolve a challenge to my 100% complete satisfaction, food never factors into the equation for me anymore. In this case, achieving my goal was well worth the risk of losing a poor coping mechanism that I had used for many years.

When you imagine yourself having the thing or situation you really want—you imagine that you’ve already taken all the risks and put in the leg work of getting it—how much better off do you believe you will be?  Do you feel good, neutral or bad thinking about the outcome?  If you’re not completely excited about the outcome, abort the mission—you don’t really want it.   Put the time and energy you would have wasted pursuing that dead end goal into finding out what you do truly want, the goal that is worth taking a risk for. If you feel good about the outcome, the risk of losing what you have is beyond worth it, because you are ready to trade up—you can do better and deep down in your guts, you know this. It’s a no brainer, really.

Taking risks can be exciting when you are going after what you truly want, but it can also be scary. One of the first things I did when I decided to conquer my eating disorder was to sit, for fifteen seconds, with all my anxiety and stress without raiding my pantry or fridge.  It was one of the hardest and longest fifteen seconds of my life, but it was also one of my proudest moments—it was the first time that I realized how much power I actually possessed over my choices. It was the beginning of the end of my eating disorder.  When you get scared pursuing what you want, just remember that you are being given an opportunity to practice bravery.  Without fear there could be no courageous acts. Without courageous acts very little would get accomplished (especially the most amazing accomplishments). Find out what you want and use your courage to go after it.  Do one risky thing, no matter how small, that will move you closer to your goal. I promise it is worth it.

Day 3 of MBSR program

There’s a common perception among folks that meditation is all about relaxing and feeling like a koala bear blissed-out on eucalyptus leaves.  Meditation is like that. Except when it’s not.  

When I performed the body scan meditation on days 1 and 2, I felt like I was indulging in some sort of spa treatment, it was pleasurable and relaxing.  I also had the luxury of sleeping in until 8am on both days (thanks to the generous support of my slumbering children) – that extra sleep is a treat in itself.  Today was different.  I woke at 6am (after getting to bed at midnight, oops . . .) and I was not feeling the spa vibe.  Instead, I was feeling  restless, uncomfortable and, a couple of times, downright panicky.  I took the opportunity to just be with my feelings, however, and discovered that by focusing all of my attention on the feeling, I actually transcended it.  I’d like to say that once I did that, I was fine and found myself enjoying spa time again, but the feelings kept revisiting me so I kept feeling them all the way through and transcending them.  

What I found interesting about the experience I had this morning was how similar it was to times I’d want to overeat in the past.  When I got the need to overfeed, I would be filled with anxiety thinking that if I didn’t give in to the impulse, some unimaginably horrible consequence would transpire.  When I took the time to pause and feel whatever I was feeling all the way through, I discovered I was partially right: the consequence was unimaginable. It was unimaginable because there was no convincing evidence to support it – even my imagination was at a loss. The worst part about the feeling was the anticipation that some (truly) unimaginable thing would happen. Nothing happened.  I learned that it was just a feeling and all feelings are finite.  This is very good news. So, today as I thought, “Oh my God, I feel like I am going to go crazy if I lie here in this fixed position on the floor concentrating on my knee for one more second!” but then I commenced feeling that feeling all the way through, to see if, in fact, I would succumb to madness.  Not only did my sanity remain in tact, but the feeling passed and I continued to focus on various parts of my body, and,  even though I was visited by the insanity thought a couple times more during the rest of my practice, I found they dissolved as soon as I gave the feeling all of my attention.

  

I do notice a positive difference just in the few days I have been following the program.  I am definitely more patient, more focused and more centered. Even today, I noticed that my mind did not wander during my swim workout (which it tends to do), I was completely engaged in each stroke in each moment. Later, when I did my ten minutes of sitting meditation, I found it challenging to settle my mind.  I reminded myself that I had carved out this special time to be still, present and attentive, or what I call being truly alive.   I refocused my attention on whatever came up in that moment, including my thought, acknowledged it and then let it go.  It wasn’t necessarily spa-like, but it was deeply satisfying.  

  

And now I’ve got to get my butt to bed to prepare for day number four . . .