My First Blog Post Ever!

Hi Everyone (or ether out there in the universe somewhere)!

Welcome to my blog and a peek into my quest to understanding what I’m all about.  I was inspired to do this blog for the same reason I’m inspired to do just about anything I pursue: I’m impulsive and I don’t really think things through.  I also thought it would be helpful for me (totally self serving, I know) to divulge all my secrets to the world at large.  I find the more honest I am, the happier I am.  If that’s just a cool coincidence and all this secret-telling is totally unnecessary, I’m really going to be making an ass out of myself over the course of this blog for nothing.  So, I choose to believe there is a direct correlation between no secrets and happiness.  Let me make clear that I will only be divulging MY secrets, the crazy stuff floating around up in my head – I will fiercely protect the crazy stuff floating around the heads of friends and family, so there will be no gossiping here.  Besides, I’m here to talk about me and my very important spiritual quest, that should provide enough gossip fodder for at least 90 seconds.

So here’s my first big, huge confession: My life isn’t perfect.  

Ouch. That hurt. But, yeah, it’s totally true. Let me break it down for you by telling you a little about myself . . .

I am a separated stay at home mom of two young children who enjoys swimming, yoga and fitness pole dancing.  Wait, there’s more . . . I live with my ex (happily and peacefully – we inhabit separate areas of the house, weird? yeah, people have said that before), my life is pretty calm and relatively drama-free, I have very cool friends and I live in a very nice suburb of San Diego.  My dress size is 2. Life is swell!  So far so good, right? Well, yes, on paper everything is golden, it’s when we leave paper and hop into my head where things go pear-shaped (what does that mean anyway?). (WARNING: you are about to enter a very messy and chaotic environment.)

  

Let’s start with my identity. Who the hell am I?  I know, I missed the sign up sheet for that trip to Europe (or India or the van down by the river . . .) where throngs of freshly graduated high school students apparently “find” themselves – but, I tell you in all honesty, I am making up for that trip in spades now!  In 8th grade I was a punk rock rebel (I looked GOOD in my thrift store granny dresses, ripped fishnets and combat boots), for the first part of high school I was a burgeoning fashionista, then I was a frustrated ballerina, college student (who bullied her way into the English honors program – everyone else in the program was invited, oh the insult), law student (for like 10 minutes), then it’s all kinda fuzzy and blurry for about 12 years when things happened  like jobs, marriage, kids, house-buying, going organic, not being able to locate my natural waistline and one very pathetic attempt at being a “kool aid” type mom.  In February 2007 I believe I experienced what is commonly known as depression.  Only mine was a very passive variety.  I distinctly remember thinking, “you know if a bus were to come by and strike me down, I’d be okay with that”.  That was the lowest point in my life. I couldn’t even muster a more impressive exit plan.  I was depending on a bus that would never pass through my suburban neighborhood to end my suffering.  Not long after my bus musings, I saw Oprah talking about The Secret on her show. Now, my blog is not going to be an ode to The Secret, but I did learn about the Law of Attraction through it, immediately applied it and got exactly what I (thought) I wanted. In effect, I managed to manifest some cool material and situational things.  More on that later.  But one of the things I manifested was my heretofore missing waistline – hello, gorgeous!  Along with that phyisical change came attention.  Look at me! I’m hot!  Woohoo!  And, hence, a new “identity” was born and, this, good readers, was just the beginning of my belated spiritual journey, warts and all . . .

I’ll finish up on the whole ego trippin’ stuff  next time. I’ll also talk about my past (and current) compulsions – that’s a fun one! 

  

BTW,  I fashioned the title of my blog from a line in Macbeth: 

“Life . . . is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.” 

But I actually never read, saw or wrote Macbeth (though my ego would love to have you think I am some kind of brilliant Shakespearean scholar), I first heard the line in LA Story – I am more familiar with the work of Steve Martin. 

  

Peace out.